If you can’t be bothered reading draft 1 of Heist, NEVER FEAR! Here is a SPOILER-FILLED and completely accurate summary for those with too much to do and not enough time. Seriously, SPOILERS though.
*Vague and unspecified location*
Delphyne: Hello, I am the protagonist! I am also not human or human-like, contrary to many fictional protagonists! Let the narration describe how not human I am.
Weyatt: I am a horrible caricature of rich people and am so insignificant to the overall plot the author actually forgot I existed.
Art: I am a generic smooth talker and will cease to be of any significance once the talks are over.
Aspects of the Demiurge: I AM THE MCGUFFIN REVEL IN MY SIGNIFICANCE TO THE PLOT
Author: I hope no one notices I stole these footnotes from Terry Pratchett.
Jolene: I don’t see why I had to infiltrate the manor as a maid when I could have literally been anything else.
Delphyne: The author probably didn’t think that far ahead.
*The next day at the vaguely described manor*
Art: Oh dearie me I have failed in my only purpose in this group.
Delphyne: Why do I keep you around again?
Delphyne: lol screw you noobs I’ma hack the system and turn invisible and shit
Delphyne: oh no deadly deadly sharp spikes my only weakness i hope this isn’t plot significant or anything
Jolene: Quick, come in so I can stop being plot significant.
Delphyne: okai
*corridor*
Guards: Nothing seems suspicious.
Delphyne: oh dayum you guys i’m trippin baaaaaallzzzzzzzzz
Guards: Nothing seems suspicious.
Delphyne: BANANAS
Delphyne: Actually everything’s fine now and I have deduced that a man who is hoarding one of the world’s most priceless artifacts, put alarms on all on points of entry and employs a veritable army, might possibly be inclined to kill intruders and leave no trace behind.
*main hall*
Delphyne: gaiz this is so ezy coz im invis lol
Guards: Nothing seems suspicious.
*first floor in Europe, second floor in America*
Guard, Fem.: Well, that’s enough biscuits and tea for the day.
Delphyne: OH SHIT
Guard, Fem.: ! WHAT WAS THAT
Delphyne used Tackle! Delphyne used Megapunch!
Guard, Fem.: You can’t use two moves in a row in Pokemon…
Guard, Fem. fainted!
Delphyne gained 16 exp!
Guard, Male: Allow me to show surprisingly smart thinking by attacking the air above my fallen colleague to reveal the invisible intruder, and then subvert that by standing around uselessly when my ploy works.
Delphyne: MORTAL KOMBAT
Guard, Male: ooohh noooo
KO!
Hawforth: Mysterious, possibly foreshadowing conversation!
Mysterious man: Possible future plot points!
Hawforth: Haha, potential Chekov’s Gun!
Mysterious man: Haha, this conversation isn’t suspicious at all!
Delphyne: Well, I definitely can’t be bothered dealing with that plotline.
*Hawforth’s study*
Delphyne: Now that I’m actually here I am going to be completely ineffectual at something I’m supposed to be an expert at. Allow me to sit around for an unspecified yet curiously lengthy period of time doing nothing while absolutely no one notices anything out of the ordinary.
Guards: Nope, nothing seems suspicious at all.
Hawforth: I agree.
Delphyne: OBJECTION
Hawforth: I was wrong.
*treasure room*
Delphyne: Did you think I came here for Aspects? PSYCH I ACTUALLY HAVE AN ULTERIOR MOTIVE
Aspects: : <
Briefly mentioned rock: lol
Delphyne: Well, the author can’t be bothered spending two more years figuring how I get out of the manor so I’m just going to leave now.
*five days later*
Old dwarf: Greetings, person I have definitely met before! This interaction implies characters have a past and background beyond the plot of this poorly constructed story!
Dragonkin: I am utterly superfluous and I don’t even get to speak in the actual story. This is the most I’ve ever said.
Delphyne: Shut up.
Delphyne: Here is a rock that is actually pretty significant for some reason.
Old dwarf: I definitely recognise the significance of that rock.
Dragonkin: So do I.
Old dwarf: Shut up.
Delphyne: You should get rid of this rock I went through hell to get.
Old dwarf: I’ll do it for you, because reasons.
Delphyne: Sweet, now to disappear into the night with an implication of future adventures and stories. I can’t wait!
Author: Nope, show’s cancelled, never seeing these characters again.
*THE END*
Conversations with the Wind 